Bank Holiday Drivel

Even though I technically had nothing to get up for and an empty house to wake up to, I still set my alarm for 8am because I didn’t want to waste the day! I’m getting used to my morning cuppa in bed mind you and I may have to keep that tradition going!! Anyway, I needed to get into the workshop early because I had eleventy hundred emails to reply to, orders to make & package, my stock boxes to unpack properly … plus a 3 hour round trip to collect some wax from a supplier who took pity on me on a Bank Holiday Monday! It felt good getting up early and it felt good to clear some backlog at work.

For very selfish reasons I have thoroughly enjoyed my freedom and I am now almost gutted that it’s the last night before they all come home! It has been good being able to plan my day and what I want to do without worrying about it fitting into somebody else’s schedule. Selfish yes because life like that doesn’t exist when you have a family!

I think I have made really good use of the time with work and with my clean up at home too! I’ve made some huge major decisions that I have procrastinated over for far too long and I’m feeling positive.

Now this is weird …..

Hub left with the kids at 10.30 this morning. I got straight on with cleaning the house, had a luxurious long shower with absolutely no interruptions, got dressed at my own pace without tripping over children, had a quick flit into the supermarket to get some bits & pieces and went into work. Bliss …

And then I came home after work to an empty house.

Even before I drove around the corner I was thinking I miss them. I actually miss the lot of them. Normally on a Saturday afternoon when I get back from work, before I have even put a foot through the door, Nathan calls out HELLO (without looking up from his computer but he’s the first to call out!), swiftly followed by Megan’s HELLO buried somewhere in the depths of her room … then Hub will come trundling down the stairs from where he’s been up there on his computer and come and say hello.

Today it was quiet. It was weird!

I’m going out for a meal with my mother and her friend tonight. I’m looking forward to it – no time pressure, no stress or hassle … and trying not to think about coming home to an empty house again later. I’m not sure I like all of this uninterrupted peace and quiet after all!!

So near yet so far

Number One news – Megan is coming home tomorrow! I pick her up at 7pm … I’m sure it will be 7.30pm by the time we’re out of there after she has done all of her goodbyes … and then she’ll have excitedly told me about absolutely everything by the time we’ve driven home!! I’ve missed her! It’s been nice in a way to spend so much solitary time just me and Nathan and he’s been great – hardly had to RAAAHHH at him at all this week!

Number two news – well it’s not news as I mentioned it yesterday, but OMG I am so looking forward to it that it’s worth re-iterating!! Three days and three nights of sanctuary when hub takes the children down to Cornwall to stay with his family. 72 hours of complete and utter sanctuary and pure unadulterated ME time! Ooooh thinking of it as JUST 72 hours makes me not want to waste time sleeping!! Too much to do!!

72 hours of solid …

• Me time. Nobody else to worry about, dish out ADHD meds to, make meals for, force to brush teeth/hair or wash or anyone else to even remotely consider. Totally selfish time for ME ME ME.
• Nobody hassling me about whether I have eaten today or not. Yes people I eat, I just don’t restrict myself to set mealtimes and don’t always feel hungry at 6pm when the rest of the farm my children demand feeding! Yeah okay so Mum will probably phone and ask, but that’s also probably why she’s taking me out to dinner on Saturday night too!! I eat when I am hungry and I drink a butt load of water - it’s how I’ve lost weight recently too (well, that and stress!)
• CLEAN HOUSE! This will be the most noticeable thing of all I think! I’ll scrub the house top to bottom when I get back from loading the car up on Saturday ready for Ford market on Sunday… and it will then STAY clean until the masses descend back here Tuesday late afternoon!

Anyway to change the subject … well, actually, it IS the subject – or, the title of my post anyway. So near yet so far. It seems to be the story of my life right now. I feel like I am constantly battling and constantly struggling for so very little in return and my emotions run so high on a day to day basis that it’s almost like I am THRIVING on the stress and like I can’t function without it.

I need to change that – and soon.