Marriage & Divorce

After nearly 11 years of marriage, my husband and I are getting a divorce. The funny part is that our friends were very much split down the middle when they found out … half of them were shocked that the two of us were splitting up, but the other half weren’t surprised at all. It’s amazing what gets hidden behind closed doors huh.

It has to be said that Megan & Nathan are handling it REALLY well. I am so proud of them. I found a lovely 3 bed house to rent in the same area as the “old house” and a terrific landlady to boot! I had said to Hub that we should wait to tell them the whole truth until I had found a place because it would make the adjustment easier if they could go and SEE where they were going to be living, and it worked out perfectly. I found the house at the start of October, and moved in with the children officially on the 25th. It meant that I was able to spend three whole weeks getting unpacked and getting the house sorted out before “the big day.” The first week in the house the children were on half term as well, so we all had plenty of time to adjust and get used to things. There have been a few problems … but on the whole they have done brilliantly and settled in really well. I’m really proud of both of them.

It hasn’t been easy and I won’t pretend otherwise! I worry every day about money and coping… but so far I’m doing okay. I live to a very strict budget and have precisely £7.68 a week left over, but that includes everything!! Housing benefit *should* cover my rent, but I have to make sure I can cover at least HALF of it every month just incase there is a problem (I am a grey area as I am self employed!) BUT … my budget is worked out to include all of the bills – gas & electric (both key meters), water, TV license, car insurance, phone bill, sky TV, fuel … plus an allowance for food, cigarettes and alcohol! My budget also includes a tenner a week “unexpected” … like last week the kids bought home school photos … more money! So far, it’s working out, but I need to live for about 3 months to really tell for sure and it’s only been a couple of weeks so far! 

My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I are getting on okay too. We are polite and civil to each other and there is a new respect that there never was before. Shame that wasn’t the case while we were still “married” eh! Anyway it’s working out that he is seeing the kids one night a week during the week and then he has them 2 nights every other weekend … they feel they see enough of him, and he seems happy that he is seeing enough of them … so it’s all good.

Our solicitors seem to think it will take anywhere between 3-5 months for the divorce. I am divorcing him on the grounds of “unreasonable behaviour” but to keep it amicable, it’s basically things we agreed on between us, so there are no surprises and no nasty malicious anything … well not from my part anyway and I’ve not seen anything to indicate that he’s about to pull a swift one on me. Basically we both just want a clean break and a fresh start.

*** HIATUS ***

“Hiatus” –noun, plural -tus⋅es, -tus.

1.	a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

Yeah … so that’s what this has been … a hiatus! I had to stop writing my blog for a while when my marriage really started to break down because my kids read this and until my husband and I had a chance to work out exactly what we were going to do and talk to them properly … well I couldn’t write about it … and as my life was so pre-occupied with that … I couldn’t write about anything else either!!

Part of me was going to start a completely new blog with a new address and everything, but instead I decided to just carry on here

So … Will Work For Shoes is back … with a vengeance!!

Sometimes ya just need rescuing!

Sooo yeah they all came back home eventually! I had such a great weekend when they were away and I got SO much done – I’ve been working my proverbial butt off over the last few days as Hub had the rest of last week off so I took advantage to get into the workshop as much as possible!!

The kids are back at school in just a few days and I feel guilty that they haven’t had an awesome & amazing summer this year. Partly due to money – but also partly because the weather has been dreadful!! Finally we had a little inkling of some sunshine today, so after I’d done everything at work, we went to Brooklands park. I’d been promising them a ride on the boating lake for ages … and today we went for it!! Brooklands is right on our doorstep and there is no entrance fee – you just pay for whatever of the facilities you want to use and it isn’t expensive. Local stuff for local people

It was only £5 per boat for 15 mins to chill out on the lake. I swear I had more fun than Megan & Nathan did too! … well, once I’d figured out the reverse steering and narrowly avoided crashing a couple of times … well, until the boat engine cut out and we were left just floating …. into the reeds at the side of the bank! Ooops! Luckily the boat guys spotted us waving for help and came to rescue us!

Well …. I’m a girl who learned to drive in a brand new car just two years ago and who has never tinkered with engines! How was I supposed to know what a choke was … and my girlie wimpy arms couldn’t pull the cord chain thingy properly anyway!!!

Ahh well … sometimes a girl just needs rescuing eh!

Then we went and played in the park … well, they played and I tried hard not to watch as Nathan climbed to the very top of things and did what small boys do so well (scare their mothers!) 

I reckon he needs to start serious training for the next Olympics because he actually had a crowd around him as he was swinging on the monkey bars ooohing and ahhhing about how great he was at it! Nathan has always just had an uncanny knack for climbing and contorting his body into weird bizarre angles!

 

Megan is usually more sedate, but today even SHE wanted to just “hang around” LOL

It was a nice couple of hours just enjoying myself with the kids and not worrying about anything else in particular! I’m almost gutted that the summer holidays are nearly over … but I tell ya I can’t wait at the same time!!

I’m looking forward to it because I won’t have to worry about them between 9am-3pm 5 days a week again! I can get into the workshop and get things done without having to take them with me or play catch up in the evenings!

I’m NOT looking forward to it because 7am in the morning is such an ungodly hour that it should be banned … and because heck I actually do enjoy having my kids around! LOL

School report day & Proud Mama!

BOTH my fantastic kids got great school reports today! I knew Megan had done well this year, but it was so good to see it in print. Her teacher’s quote was that Megan had “worked her socks off!” I’m so proud of that girl! She has never been strong at maths but she is *improving* and as far as I am concerned she’s doing just brilliantly!

Nathan’s report really surprised the crap out of me!! His teacher commented on how his concentration and focus have really improved over the year … and last year’s report was full of “variable” for his effort – intersperted with the very odd “good!” This year it was ALL good with a VERY good in there for design technology! I nearly fell off my feet as I was reading it! He’s done so well.

They have BOTH done so well. It makes me really proud!!!

Anyway, it’s nearly 10pm on Tuesday evening … I have JUST finished all of the re-labelling of the stock ready for market tomorrow. It had BETTER be a good day … if it isn’t then I don’t even want to think about where I will be. I need to make money this week!

I haven’t done even half the things I wanted to achieve this evening … and I still need to shower – the thought of a 5am shower is NOT a good one!

I did get pics of the new labels … but again it will have to wait … I could waffle on here all night but it won’t get my work done or me showered! LOL

it was "Yell at Dee Day" today … and the resulting melancholy!!

I got yelled at twice today by two different people – both pretty important people in my life … and both within a couple of hours of each other!! I am not going to elaborate or go into detail of the who/what/why/when/why and how because both people did apologise for the yelling part (even though I admit there was a reason behind the yelling – i.e. Dee has fucked up again) and it’s all dealt with and okay now … but it really did get me thinking.

I am wondering whether I’ve been too “up in the clouds” about everything lately. I do have a tendancy to kind of go off on a tangent with things and I KNOW get a little over enthusiastic … but if I don’t put myself out there and actively make changes then nothing is going to happen. I cannot just sit here and wait for things to happen for me because life just doesn’t work that way.

It just feels like no matter what I do I am in the wrong at the moment. I seem to go from feeling up to feeling totally crap and that I am the worst person in the world!

Translated – I am a bad mother.

I’m worried about my relationship with my children. Part of me doesn’t want to say anything here because I know Megan sometimes reads my blog and a lot of my friends & family read what I write here … but if being honest on my blog means that the people close to me can get inside my head more … then that’s what this is all about!!

I am working a LOT at the moment. Every spare minute I have is spent working … I’m either on my laptop working on the website, designing promotions, doing accounts & paperwork … or I am out of the house at the workshop.

I worry that I don’t have enough quality time with them – that I am too focussed on myself & the business right now and that they will end up resenting me for it. They are at such a critical age at the moment – both of them and I want nothing more than for them to both look back on their childhood and say to people that they had a brilliant childhood!!

In short, I worry I am not doing a good enough job as a mother.

Nathan is a funny one … because of his “problems” … I honestly think that as long as he is fed, watered and has access to a computer and his nightly “snuggles” with me on the sofa then he’ll be just fine. If I want to actually TALK to him, I need to sit with him on the stairs where there are no distractions and then I’ll get all of 5 minutes before he loses interest! He is very hard to actually get inside of because of his ADHD/Aspergers … but at the same time he is very very loving and we have a wonderful relationship. I can say without question that Nathan hugs are THE best in the world!

It’s Megan I worry about. She is nearly ten and those double figures are a scary birthday number for a mother – well, for me anyway! She is so grown up and at the age now where she is really developing as a young lady as well as an individual with her own distinct tastes, likes & dislikes. I’m worried that I work too much and don’t spend enough quality time with her. I want her to look back on her childhood and truly know that her Mum was there for her no matter what. I worry that I don’t get to spend enough time with her and that there is just “too much to do” with the accounts, working on the website etc when I am at home … that’s when I’m not trying to clean up and stay on top of the housework! The rest of the time she’s at school or I’m at work!

I just want my kids to know that the whole reason why I am doing this is for them. I need them to know that I work hard to try to give them a better future and to make up for the mistakes I made in the past. I still make mistakes every single day, but I realised not too long ago that I’m not superwoman and that it is okay not to be able to do everything. Gawd knows I still have a hell of a lot to put them through yet, but I’ll take it one day at a time.

Even though I am very much aware of mistakes I’ve made in the past and I work so hard to try to fix them, I still screw up! I’m not perfect. Far from it. Today for example … being yelled at twice by two different people for two different reasons. It really brought me down.

Anyway … I think I need a bath and an early night. It’s Monday tomorrow – a new day and a new week.

Ohh I did LOADS today!

Today has been a really good day! I was in the workshop this morning and got a ton of stock votives poured ready for the East Preston market on Wednesday. I made myself a list of the scents I wanted to take with me and got them ALL poured!

I spent the afternoon when I got back chilling in the garden with the kids – it was really nice and it was great to spend time with them. I forget sometimes what great little people they are!!

Megan is growing up TOOOOOO fast these days – it scares me! One of her classmates has already started her periods, and knowing that my daughter and her friends are that developed … woah it’s scary stuff for a mother!

And Mr Nathan … well it was a surprise to see him actually EATING … let alone eating a chicken wing – AND thoroughly enjoying it too!!

Yeah … a good weekend!!!